Most leaders know they should give feedback. But many still hesitate. We worry about saying the wrong thing, hurting someone’s feelings, or triggering a tense conversation. So instead, we bottle it up. We delay. We convince ourselves it’s not the right time.
That’s not kindness. That’s avoidance.
If someone had spinach in their teeth before a big meeting, you’d tell them, right? Not because you enjoy embarrassing them, but because not telling them would be worse. They’d go in unaware, missing the chance to make it right.
It’s the same with feedback. Done well, it shows you care. It gives people the chance to learn, grow, and succeed.
Why feedback matters
Good feedback is a cornerstone of high-performing teams. It fosters trust, improves performance, and supports personal growth. Without it, people are left guessing what’s working and what isn’t. That creates confusion, frustration and resentment over time.
But feedback needs to be useful. That means:
Specific, not vague
Timely, not delayed
Focused on behaviour, not personality
Given with the intent to support, not scold
Leaders often overthink it. They worry about causing offence or creating awkwardness. But withholding feedback doesn’t protect anyone – it just erodes trust. When someone’s in the dark, they can’t adjust. And that helps no one.
Self-regulation first
Before giving feedback, check in with yourself. If you're coming from a place of frustration, stress, or reactivity, take a moment. Breathe. Reset. Feedback lands best when it’s delivered with clarity and care.
Self-regulation is about managing your own thoughts and emotions before you step into that conversation. If your tone is off, even slightly, the message will be lost.
Remember: feedback should be about them – their development, their success. Not your need to vent.
The SOEROC Framework
One of the simplest ways to give helpful feedback is using the SOEROC framework. It gives your feedback structure and makes it easier to deliver.
Situation – when and where did it happen?
Observation – what did you see or hear? Not your judgment, your observation.
Even Better – what would improve it? This is about possibility, not punishment.
Result – what impact did it have? (On others, the outcome, the perception)
Options – what could they do differently next time?
Check-in – when will you follow up?
This structure makes feedback feel like a conversation, not a lecture. It also helps people receive it without getting defensive.
You don’t need to use every step, every time. But keeping the intention behind each one – clarity, ownership, and collaboration – can completely change how your message lands.
Feedback in all directions
Feedback isn’t just something you give to your team. You can (and should) give it:
Upwards – Tactfully let your manager know how their actions affect you.
Sideways – Speak to peers about how to work better together.
In the moment – A quick, kind nudge when something needs adjusting.
This includes feedback like:
“I noticed in that meeting that you jumped in quickly – was there something you were concerned about?”
“Can I offer a quick reflection on how that landed?”
It’s about normalising these conversations so they become part of your leadership style.
And remember: feedback should include positive reinforcement too. Let people know what they did well, and why it mattered. A simple, “That part where you connected the dots between teams – brilliant. It really moved things forward,” goes a long way.
Embedding feedback into your culture
Make feedback part of your team’s rhythm. That could look like:
Starting meetings with quick shout-outs
Having regular 1:1s with space for open reflection
Normalising asking for feedback: “What could I have done better?”
Celebrating when someone handles feedback well
If you’re the leader, model it. Ask for feedback yourself. Thank people when they offer it. React calmly, even if it stings. People notice what you do – and what you ignore
Final thought
Giving feedback isn’t about being harsh. It’s about being clear and kind. It takes courage to say what needs to be said – but when you do it well, everyone wins.
Not every feedback moment will go perfectly. But the more you practise, the easier it becomes. And over time, you’ll build a culture where honesty is welcomed, not feared.
If you want more tools to lead with clarity, care and impact, check out my one-to-one coaching or join the next round of the Leadership Accelerator Premium. And don’t forget to catch the full episode of How to Lead on your favourite podcast app.
