TL; DR – a quick summary for busy readers
Striking the balance between empathy and authority is one of the hardest parts of leadership.
Empathy without authority feels good but goes nowhere
Authority without empathy gets compliance, not commitment
Use both lenses: listen with empathy, then lead with clarity
Traps to avoid: over-empathy (avoiding tough calls) and over-authority (micromanaging)
Practical tools: 70/30 listening rule, “yes, and” language, authority check-in, boundaries audit
Balance builds loyalty: trust + respect = performance that lasts
To learn how to find the balance in leadership, and my simple framework - read on >
Empathy vs Authority – finding the balance in leadership
One of the hardest balancing acts in leadership is this: empathy versus authority.
It’s a question I hear constantly in coaching sessions:
“How do I stay empathetic and human without losing authority or being walked over?”
“If I push too hard, they’ll resent me. But if I don’t push enough, nothing gets done.”
This tension sits right at the heart of leadership. Lean too far towards empathy and you risk losing authority. Lean too hard on authority and you risk losing trust. So how do you strike the balance - and apply it in real life, when the stakes are high and people are watching?
Why Empathy vs Authority matters
Leadership has always been about balancing people and performance. You need results, but you also need people motivated enough to deliver them.
The mistake many leaders make is treating empathy and authority as opposites. They’re not. They’re complementary.
Empathy without authority feels good but goes nowhere
Authority without empathy gets compliance, not commitment
The sweet spot is leadership that feels fair.
Two leadership lenses
I often explain leadership as two overlapping lenses:
The people lens: empathy, listening, coaching, care
The performance lens: clarity, standards, follow-through, decisions
Great leaders learn to toggle between them, sometimes within the same conversation.
Imagine someone tells you they’re overwhelmed with workload. Through the people lens, you listen carefully, acknowledge the stress, and show care. Then you switch to the performance lens: “Thanks for sharing that. Let’s prioritise what matters most so the deadlines are realistic and still met.”
Both lenses are essential. The art of leadership is knowing when to lean into one, and when to overlay both.
Empathy in practice
Empathy isn’t sympathy. It’s not “poor you.” It’s the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see their perspective.
In the workplace, empathy looks like:
Listening properly and not interrupting
Asking questions that dig into what’s really going on
Acknowledging emotions, even when you can’t fix them
Showing patience with someone’s learning curve
It doesn’t mean excusing poor performance. It means recognising the difficulty, offering support, but still holding accountability.
Authority in practice
Authority, at its best, isn’t about command and control. It’s about clarity, consistency, and courage.
It shows up when you:
Set clear standards and boundaries
Hold people accountable fairly
Make tough calls even when unpopular
Provide direction in uncertainty
Role-model professionalism under pressure
When exercised well, authority isn’t “throwing weight around.” It’s giving structure and direction that keeps things moving.
Traps leaders can fall into
If you’re struggling to strike this balance, you’re not alone. Here are the classic traps:
Over-empathy: avoiding tough conversations, softening feedback so much it’s meaningless, excusing underperformance. It feels kind in the moment, but creates burnout and dependency
Over-authority: micromanaging, dictating, demanding sign-off on everything. It shuts down ideas, stifles innovation, and leaves the leader isolated
Neither extreme works. Healthy leadership is firm but fair, kind but clear.
A simple framework
When you’re facing a difficult situation, try this three-part approach:
Listen with empathy - reflect back what you hear
Decide with authority - make the call that serves the bigger picture
Communicate with clarity and kindness - explain the why, acknowledge impact, reinforce support
Balanced leadership in action sounds like:
“I appreciate your honesty. After weighing everything, I’ve decided we’ll move ahead with X. I know that’s not what you hoped for, and I’ll support you through it.”
Practical tools for everyday balance
Use the 70/30 rule in one-to-ones: 70% listening, 30% talking
Try “yes, and” language: “Yes, I see this feels overwhelming, and I believe you can handle it if we break it down”
Run an authority check-in: am I softening too much, or sounding rigid?
Do a boundaries audit: what’s non-negotiable, and where can I flex?
Bringing it together
Empathy builds trust. Authority builds respect. Together, they build loyalty.
Teams want leaders who see them as human beings, and leaders who provide clarity, direction and consistency. That combination makes people say: I’ll go the extra mile for this person, because they understand me and they lead me well.
It’s worth reflecting: which side do you naturally lean towards? And where could you stretch to bring more balance?
If you’d like more support in developing your leadership, you’ll find details of my one-to-one coaching, group programmes and the Leadership Accelerator Premium at waterfallhill.co.uk/services.
