Leading with curiosity

Leading with curiosity, the second in a three-part series about all the skills you need to really elevate your leadership. Welcome to How to Lead the podcast for CEOs, founders and leaders who want clear, practical tools that help them lead well, so their teams thrive and results follow. I'm Kate Waterfall Hill and I'll be bringing you some ideas from over 30 years of working in business and leadership development.

As I said, this is the second episode in our three-part series on care, curiosity and clarity. last time we explored leading with care. Today we're diving into curiosity, which I think of as the engine room of good leadership. Curiosity helps you reduce tension, handle conflict, give better feedback, and build stronger relationships.

It also frees you up from the pressures of always having to have the answer. By the end of this episode, you'll have a practical set of questions, conversation structures, and micro habits that let you lead with curiosity without losing momentum. Let's kick off with what Linda has to say about being curious.

“Curiosity is so important. Only the other day I was talking to Josh about how we were going to achieve the client's demands within the budget, and he said it's completely impossible to meet their demands. So I lent in, I said, I'm curious, Josh, tell me about that. And he got about 10 seconds in and I thought, well, I can see where this is going.

I said, no, no, no. Stop yourself there. I'm just gonna cut to the chase and tell you what I think. And that's the right answer, obviously, because I'm more experienced than him and I would know. And whilst curiosity is a great leadership skill, you have to know when to stop listening before it derails the plan.”

Nice try Linda. But not quite right. So let's start with what curiosity is and what it isn't. Curiosity is a disciplined willingness to explore before you decide it's not dithering and it's not an interrogation.

It's an active stance that says. I'll pause my certainty long enough to learn what I don't yet know. Some common misconceptions include that it means you can't be decisive. This simply isn't true. Curiosity actually sharpens decisions because it tests assumptions early when changes are still cheap.

Some people also think that curiosity is soft, but in practice it's rigorous. It asks for evidence, context, and consequences. Some people think curiosity takes too much time, but a few good questions now can save hours of rework later. But what gets in the way, sometimes it's about ego because we want to look clever.

We don't want to ask questions because it looks like we don't know. Perhaps we're scared, but fearful. If I ask, they'll think, I don’t know what I'm talking about. I'm not a great leader. And perhaps it's sometimes to do with speed because calendars are so packed, there's no room to think. It's easy just to get to the end decision quickly without asking any questions first.

So the first step is noticing the moment that you want to jump in with the answer. This moment is your entry point to curiosity. Just pause, take a minute and think. What good questions could you ask? So when you feel the urge to correct, try this two-minute reset. Pause your opinion, park it. Don't delete it, but just park it for a moment and then ask yourself, what am I assuming here?

Pick one question. What problem are we solving or what might make this fail? Listen for the headline and the hesitation, the main point and the uncertainty. Two minutes of this reset often reveals the thing you are about to miss.

I'm sure you've been in situations where arguments tend to escalate, and they often do that because we climb the ladder of inference. We move quickly from data to assumptions, to beliefs to action, often skipping steps, but you can interrupt the climb by saying: What are you seeing that I'm not, walk me through the steps that led you to that conclusion. if we go back to the facts, what are they? Instead of clashing at the belief level, you align on the evidence.

I've got a series of questions that you can have in your curiosity bank. You don't need dozens of prompts, but a few go-to questions can really help. So an opener might be what feels most important for us to understand first, or what's the real problem here. Then you might want to go a bit deeper by asking what else, and then what happens.

And then to clarify, you might ask something like, on a scale of one to five, how confident are you in this? Another one is, what assumptions are we making that we haven't tested? And then if you want to gently reframe something, you might say, if this were easy, how would we do it? Or, what would have to be true for this to work?

And then if you want to deescalate, if you've got somebody who's sort of high energy or high tension, you can say something like, I can hear you care about this, what outcome matters most, and then to try to deescalate further. What part of this are we already aligned on? Finding a common ground can really help. So if you only adopt two of those, perhaps you could make them. What else? Really nice and easy to have up your sleeve and what would have to be true? They alone can transform your conversations.

So the whole point of this is to have curiosity instead of correction or judgment. So when someone suggests an idea that you think is plain, bonkers or wrong, resist the urge to shut it down. Instead, thank them for bringing it. Ask them to walk you through their logic and probe some assumptions. So what are we assuming about customers or capacity by this statement?

Share your concern as a hypothesis. So my view is X, because I'm worried about Y. What might change your mind? And then decide on a small test to check the riskiest assumption. So you still use your expertise, but you just do it in a way that strengthens the team's thinking.

The point of this is not to dampen people's enthusiasm or take away their confidence when they come up with ideas.

So a little bit more on using curiosity to reduce tension and conflict. tension tends to grow when people feel misheard, and curiosity lowers that tension by showing that you're genuinely interested. So another little four step structure you might try, name, validate, explore, align.

I'll go into those in more detail. Name, I can hear the frustration about how this launch was handled. Then validate. Given the late change in scope, I can understand why this felt frustrating for you and you felt limited in your capacity to respond.

Then explore what did you expect that didn't happen? And then lastly, align, our shared aim is a clean launch. What two changes would help? Next time you're not adjudicating who's right, you're creating a better next step.

Another way that curiosity can be really helpful is when you are giving feedback because it just lands better when it starts with curiosity rather than judgment.

So you might start by saying, how did you feel that that project went, or the call or the report? If you could replay one moment, which would you choose? Then share your perspectives using my So rock framework that I've covered in other episodes, situation, observation even better if results, options check-in.

That way the feedback becomes a joint exploration, not a verdict. I go into having to give good feedback in lots more detail on my Leadership accelerator program. worth investigating if you're interested. The other thing about curiosity is that it can really help you build relationships because relationships deepen. When you ask beyond output, small, consistent practices make all the difference. So you could start with your one-to-ones, what's got your attention this week? A nice open question, and ask somebody about their strengths. What work gives you energy? Then map growth edges together.

What do you want to learn this quarter? What would be a stretch goal for you? And share your thinking, not just your decisions. And then close with ownership. What will you try before we meet again, I,

when curiosity becomes the norm, people bring you problems earlier and you get to solutions more quickly.

another great use of curiosity is in meetings because if you make curiosity visible in how you run your meetings, you get to better outcomes. So state the decision you are moving toward and the input you want. Try starting the meeting with three minutes of silent writing. So everyone thinks before anyone speaks and separate idea generation from evaluation. Rotate who speaks first, so it's not always the same Voices. Meetings designed for curiosity give you better ideas in less time.

I've talked about managing up in another episode of the How to Lead Podcast, but curiosity is another great way to manage your senior stakeholders because it signals maturity. So you could try asking what's the top priority, speed, cost, or risk? What are the options? Route A is faster, but riskier. Route B is slower but safer.

And then ask, what would help you to choose between them? It shows you're not being obstructive, but you're helping them think

if you want to support under performers in the same methodology, start with data. So I've noticed you've missed three deadlines this month. Explore what, get in the way, and then co-design the fix. What will you try and how will we know it's worked in two weeks time? If you've got really good performers, your stars ask about stretch.

What feels like the next step for you? Also investigate guardrails. Where do you want more autonomy and where do you want check-ins, but protect the focus. What are you doing only you can do and what could you drop? Curiosity helps both underperformers and star players feel seen and supported.

Curiosity is also a really great way of encouraging diversity of thought because if you keep hearing the same voices, you've got a design problem. So tactics to try, rotate the speaker first. As I've mentioned before, whoever speaks first can often set the tone. And run a pre-mortem. So imagine this failed in six months.

What caused it? Invite an outsider to challenge the plan for 10 minutes. Diversity of thought doesn't happen by accident. It happens by design and invitation.

As with all great leadership techniques, there are some traps that you might want to avoid. First of all, you don't want to sound like you're cross examining somebody. firing questions like a prosecutor can make people feel uneasy, so slow it down and add empathy. Also, tell them you're trying a new way of managing.

Also don't fake the openness asking, but clearly having already decided not great. So the fix for that is to say, my current view is X, but here's what would change my mind. and then invite the other opinion. The other trap is analysis paralysis, asking forever without deciding.

And the fix for this is to set a time box, explore for 20 minutes, then decide.

But curiosity isn't the end. It's the beginning of clarity, asking questions, listening actively, sifting for the few things that really matter. Then deciding the next step, learning and adjusting. But if you skip the curiosity piece, clarity can be thin. If you stay in curiosity forever, then nothing moves.

The power is in the loop. Make sure you keep moving.

Some questions for you to help you think about whether you're doing this well or not already. so here are five reflection questions you could ask yourself. Where do I tend to correct quickly, and what would curiosity change? Which one question? Will I keep a sticky note by my screen and ask every day?

Who's thinking have I not heard this month? Which meeting can I redesign to encourage the quieter voices and what assumption of mine needs testing this week?

And for those who like a little seven day practice plan, here's one for you. Day one, use two curiosity questions in real conversations. Day two, run one meeting with a silent start. Day three, use, name, validate, explore, align in a tense moment. Then day four, ask three coaching questions before you offer any advice.

On day five, record one, decision with rationale and a check date. Day six, invite a dissenting view, and day seven reflect what surprised me on what will I keep. This isn't about perfection. It's about building the muscle. The habit of having curiosity baked in. Well, I hope you found that interesting.

That's all for today's episode of How to Lead. We've explored how curiosity frees you from the myth that you must always have the answer, and how it helps you reduce tension, handle conflict, give feedback, and build deeper relationships. Next time we'll focus on clarity, how to set vision, purpose, and expectations, and how to delegate clearly without sliding into micromanagement.

Until next time, if you want to be less like Linda, keep leading with care, curiosity and clarity.

If you've enjoyed this episode, do follow for more leadership insights and spare a moment to like leave a review and share with your fellow leaders to help spread the word about the How to Lead Podcast. If you'd like my personal support, do take a look at my website, waterfall hill.co uk.

For more information about my coaching services, the best leaders are clear on the vision, care about their people, and approach interactions with curiosity, not judgment. Until next time, thanks for listening.