Knowing your personal values

Knowing your personal values, The foundation of confident leadership. This is what we'll be talking about today on how to lead the podcast for CEOs, founders, and leaders who want to find that perfect balance of empathy and authority.

I am Kate Waterfall Hill, and I'll be sharing some ideas from over 30 years of working in business and leadership development. Before we start the show, don't forget to check out my book, my group coaching, my team coaching, and my one-to-one coaching programs at waterfallhill.co uk. Places are always limited and sell out every month, so book now for yourself or your team.

So today's episode is something that sits at the heart of every decision you make, every conversation you have, and every career move you are considering, even if you don't actually know it, your personal values.

Before you roll your eyes and think, I've done a values exercise before, hear me out. This isn't just about picking five inspirational words from a laminated list. This is about knowing what truly matters to you so you can lead with purpose, act with clarity, and stop tying yourself in knots when faced with tricky choices.

So let's start as always with Linda. What does she make of values?

“What are you all up to in here then? Having a little get together over lunchtime? Oh, you're just having a little chitchat. Are you talking about your values? Values? Sounds a bit fancy. What are my values? Uh, don't really know. What, what, what do you mean what, what's my driving force? My sort of core principle.

Most belief, um, just get through the day really, if I'm honest. Yeah. Yeah. And then the week obviously, and then the month. And if you want a really big plan, get through the year. Yeah. Why, why, what are yours? Adventure. Oh, meaningful work. Very good. Nurturing talent. Lovely Rachel. Hmm. Deliver great results.

Gosh. And enough to retire early. Yeah. Nice. Family. Yeah. Creativity, sustainability in the environment. Very good. Intellect and personal growth, honesty and integrity. Good one. Community and acts of service. Well. How very worthy you all are. Feeling a bit shallow now, but um, anyway, I'll just get back to, uh, focusing on getting through to the end of the day or at least, um, till lunchtime.”

Well, even Linda must have some core principles and firmly held beliefs hidden there somewhere, but she's just never taken the time to consider what they are, so she just works all hours and thinks that her job defines her. I'd like to talk about how your values can help you lead with confidence, handle dilemmas, and know your boundaries.

So why do they matter so much? Personal values are the invisible compass, if you like, that guides your decisions, behaviour, and relationships. They shape how you lead, how you work, what you tolerate, and where you thrive or don't. When you're clear on your values, you make decisions more easily, you set better boundaries, you feel more confident and less conflicted, you can spot misalignment early in yourself or in others, and you can lead in a way that actually feels like you.

This is about being authentic, not about pretending you're somebody you're not. When you're not clear on your values, you tend to overthink, overcommit, avoid decisions, tolerate poor behaviour, and feel just a bit off, and you can't really explain why.

Maybe you reacted really badly to something. It might be because somebody's overstepped the mark when it comes to your values. This work isn't fluffy, it's actually foundational.

It forms the foundational piece of my one-to-one coaching program and a really core part of the leadership accelerator premium as well. So what are values really? They're principles, standards, if you like, qualities you believe in and things that you really believe are important. Things that you'd fight for.

Standby, and in many cases, assume other people share until they don't. They might be ways of being, so things like honesty, courage, kindness, things you tend to prioritise. Stability, autonomy, learning and aspirational qualities, growth, innovation, fairness. Okay. And they're deeply personal, often shaped by your early life, your role models, your career highs and lows, and what's made you proud or furious,

Let's take a look at what it can sometimes feel like when your values are aligned. Think back to a moment when you felt really proud, energised, fulfilled, Like you were doing your best work, being your best self. Chances are your values were front and centre.

Maybe you delivered a project that made a real difference, stood up for someone in a way that mattered to you, finally said no to something that was draining you or led a team in a way that felt fair, focused and human, that sense of satisfaction. It wasn't random. It was your values being honoured. what about when it's the other way around when it feels like your values are out of sync?

Perhaps you've had that feeling when you're a bit irritated and you don’t know why, or you feel resentful, demotivated, or flat. Even though everything looks fine on paper, it's often values misalignment. You might be working in a culture that prizes competition, but you value collaboration. Maybe you've been asked to fudge some results when you value integrity.

Maybe you keep saying yes when what you need is space. misalignment doesn't always mean something is wrong. It just means something's not right for you. So let's have a look at how we identify our values.

You don't need a survey or a 400 question quiz. Just start with pen and paper and reflect on the following. When were you at your best? Think of times you felt proud, fulfilled, energized. What were you doing? How were you behaving? What mattered in that moment? Write down some key words that describe the feeling and the situation.

Then have a think about what you would protect at all costs. What values are so important to you that you'd walk away if they were compromised? Maybe have a think about what makes you angry. Often our strongest values show up through frustration. If someone behaves in a way that offends or unsettles you,

What value might they be trampling on? And then ask for feedback. Send a message to a few trusted friends or colleagues. I'm doing some work on my personal values. Could you send me a few words you'd use to describe me, positive or not? I'm looking for honesty. And then have a look at all the information you gather.

Look for themes are people reflecting back, kindness, honesty, ambition, creativity, what resonates the most, which of the words you've gathered makes you smile, makes you feel good inside. And then do some more reflection. You'll probably have a long list of words. Now it's time to whittle them down.

Highlight the ones that feel most true. Put them in pairs and choose the stronger one, if that helps. see if you can get down to maybe five or six core values that really feel essential. These are the ones that drive your behaviour, shape your decisions, and help you feel truly like yourself.

So sometimes things get uncomfortable, maybe when your behaviour isn't matching your values, but it is quite useful. Still. Take a look at your values and ask, am I living them? So some examples might be you value honesty, but you've been avoiding difficult conversations. You value family, but your work hours keep spilling into the weekend.

You value health, but you haven't moved your body in weeks. you value fairness, but you let a colleague be spoken over in that meeting and didn't speak up. This isn't about guilt, it's about realignment. If there's a gap between what you value and what you actually do, it's worth asking, what's getting in the way?

What would living this value look like this week? Or what's one small way I can close the gap? Perhaps that value isn't yours after all. Maybe it was an aspirational one that you chose because it sounded nice, but actually it's not truly the way you are.

Values guide your ways of behaving even when nobody's looking. And then another way of having misalignment with your values is when other people go against them. Sometimes it's not you, it's them. You might feel uncomfortable or even angry around certain people or environments and not really be able to put your finger on why often somebody else might be acting in a way that goes against your values.

So again, have a think about some examples here. you value kindness, and a colleague regularly belittles others. You value transparency and the leadership team keeps decisions behind closed doors. You value calm and your manager thrives on chaos. Again, this isn't always a cause for conflict, but it is a cause for curiosity.

So you could ask yourself, can I tolerate this? Can I challenge or influence it? If not, is it the time to move on? You don't have to fix everything, But you do need to notice what's costing you.

And knowing your values can often give you the language to use when you want to talk to somebody else who doesn't align with your values.

It can give you a way of explaining why you behave like you do and why you find their behaviour unsettling for whatever reason.

Now what happens if your values change and they will. You know, that's the point. You're not the same person you were 25 years ago. That is assuming you're over 25 now. Life, leadership, family, grief, success, failure, they all change us. That's why it's worth revisiting your values every so often and asking what matters now, what's fallen away and what needs protecting.

Okay. Values aren't static. They evolve and staying in tune with them helps you lead in a way that feels real, not rigid.

One of my coaching clients, a founder of regrowing tech firm, came to me feeling low level discontent. The business was flying, the teams were performing that he just felt something was off. And through our work We discovered that one of his core values, creativity had all but vanished from his day-to-day role.

He was now buried in logistics, finance and investor presentations. He wasn't failing, he just didn't feel fulfilled. Particularly, we didn't need to overhaul the business. We just needed to bring creativity back in, carving out time each week for product design, idea sprints, and exploring future concepts with his team. And when he couldn't do that, he could still do creative work, outside work. That's one small shift, but a huge impact. and that's the sort of thing that knowing your values can really help you unlock. So what can you do this week if you want to explore this further?

Here's what I'd suggest. First of all, reflect on your best and worst work moments. What values were being honoured or ignored? Then ask trusted people how they describe you. Then look for themes. List your top 10 value words. Then if you can cut them down to about five, then spot check. Are you living those values today?

If not, what's getting in the way? And then choose one value to focus on this week. Write it down, act on it. Reflect. knowing your personal values isn't about branding yourself. It's about building a compass. One that helps you lead with clarity and conviction because when you know your values, you spend less time.

Second guessing. You make decisions faster, you recover quicker from setbacks, you lead more authentically and you stop trying to be everything to everyone. You don't have to be perfect.

Just honest. Start there and your leadership will follow. That's all for today's episode of How to Lead. Until next time, the best way to avoid being a Linda is to lead with Clarity, care, and Curiosity. If you've enjoyed this episode, do follow for more leadership insights. And if you'd like my personal support, take a look at my website, waterfall hill.co.uk.

You'll find more information about all my coaching programs and my book. There's never a better time to take your professional development seriously than right now. I'd be delighted if you could like leave a review and share with your fellow leaders to help spread the word. It really does make a difference.

The best leaders are clear on their vision, care about their people, and approach interactions with curiosity, not judgment. Thanks for listening.